Cole is two years old today!  I have been thinking a lot about this week about my labor, delivery, and his birth.  He was technically born on the third Monday of May, and on Monday I was remembering the time line of his birth.

Having had a c-section with Ryan, I was attempting a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian with Cole.)  I have been through a c-section birth before, but with Cole, it was obvious my first time being in labor.  I remember after 42 hours of labor, and a successful VBAC, I finally was holding my brand new baby boy, and I couldn’t believe how small and tiny he was.  I had forgotten what a newborn looked and felt like.  The tiny toes, the tiny fingers, the microscopic finger and toenails, the way his body just nestled into mine and Joe’s- like that space existed just for him.  I relished those first few days and weeks- knowing in a blink of an eye, my newborn would be gone forever, and in its place, I’d have a baby, toddler, and then a little boy.

Two years later, a little boy has replaced my sweet newborn.  His toes and fingers are no longer tiny.  He doesn’t fit ‘just so’ in my arms, and in a sense I have forgotten again the details of a newborn.  However, two years ago, I could not even begin to imagine how much I am in love with the little boy Cole is.

While he is no longer a baby, he is such a special little boy.  His smile lights up a room.  He loves trying to make us laugh, and he succeeds every day.  From playing peek-a-boo with the kitchen towel, to trying on all of our clothes and shoes, and parading around the house, with the biggest smile on his face. 

Cole thrives on touch, hugs, and kisses.  I will never be lacking a child to hug, kiss or cuddle with.  As he turns two, Cole is learning to talk quite well, with his favorite words being, “mama,” “dada,” “me,” “eat,” and of course, “Ryan.”

Cole loves his big brother to pieces, and has to do everything just like him.  The other day, Ryan’s foot was hurting, and after I was done inspecting it, Cole came running up to me, lifting his foot up too, “whining.” 

While he tries to be just like Ryan, he is also very much his own person.  I love seeing how his personality is changing and growing.  I like to see him develop his different skills, outside of Ryan.  One thing I have noticed is how mechanical he seems to be, and can already put anything back together that he takes apart.  He also loves babies.  Everywhere we go, when he sees a baby, he yells “Baby!” and starts waving hello. 

Two years ago, I had a newborn placed on my chest, and while I knew his name, weight, and eye color, for all practical purposes, he was a blank canvas- I knew absolutely nothing about him.  Today, on his second birthday, my little boy’s portrait is being filled in with the most brilliant and vibrant colors.  Every day I discover a new color that is added to his portrait.  While I know the canvas is always a work in progress, I am so privileged and blessed to be Cole’s mother, and to see his essence being painted.

Happy Birthday, my darling Cole.  I love you so very, very much.  

Like millions of other Americans, I am following the presidential election.  I don’t have a candidate that I feel really will make a difference when it is all said and done.  It seems to me most politicians say and promise one thing when campaigning, but seldom follow through on these promises once elected. 

I will admit that I was happy after 219 years; there was finally a woman, Hillary Clinton, who was running for her party’s nomination for president.  It has been a long-time coming.  I can’t say that I agree with everything Clinton has done in her political career, but it was a historical event.  One might even argue that it finally meant women were closer to breaking through that ever-present glass ceiling. 

I believed a candidate for president with Clinton’s political background would be deemed a serious contender, and would be taken seriously, despite the fact that she is indeed a woman.  It seemed like this was real progress for women in our country. 

As the campaign played out, it has been obviously clear that this campaign has been anything but progress for women.  It has appalled and shocked me, how Senator Hillary Clinton has been portrayed by the media-mainly because she is a woman. Here are just a few of the countless examples:

• Senator Clinton was called a “stereotypical bi**h” by CNN’s & ABC’s Glenn Beck
• Clinton was subject of a ”joke” told on MSNBC which said she was doing better because it was “white bi**h month” (at least the news anchors denounced this “joke.”)
• Again on MSNBC, Keith Olbermann, when asked how a winner could be determined between Senators Obama & Clinton, he said, “…Somebody who can take her into a room and only he comes out.”
• Liberal radio personality Randi Rhodes (a female) called Clinton a “big [expletive] whore” at a San Francisco radio station event for Obama supporters. (Rhodes included Geraldine Ferrao in this incident as well.)
• NPR Political editor Ken Rudin, and columnist and blogger, Andrew Sullivan compared Sen. Clinton to the Glenn Close Fatal Attraction character- a crazy, psychotic, home-wrecker. 
• MSNBC’s (yet again) Chris Matthews likening Sen. Clinton to a “she-devil,” with an on-screen drawing of Clinton sprouting horns. 
• Jack Cafferty of CNN said Clinton is more like “a scolding mother, talking down to her child.”
• William Kristol on Fox News said, “White women are a problem, that’s — you know, we all live with that.”

Whether you would vote for Sen. Clinton or not, the issue is when the media is allowed to refer to her and women in general, by these degrading and sexist terms.  It illustrates how women are perceived and thought of.  This is blatant sexism, misogyny, and gender discrimination. 

How outraged would we be, the media included, if Olbermann had stated that Sen. Obama needed to be taken into a room by someone, where he (Obama) wouldn’t come out- clearly referring to being severely beaten?  When did it become acceptable to talk about beating a woman to the point where she would be so injured, she would be physically unable to move?  Or what if Kristol had said, ”…black men are a problem?” 

The outrage would be deafening.   It would be pouring in from the political left and right- male and female.  As a nation we do not tolerate racial comments about a person or group’s race or sexual orientation.  Yet, when the media constantly speaks this way about a woman and a mother, it is not the outrage that is deafening, it is the silence.

Silence from people and organizations that ought to be taking a stand against this type of sexism and misogyny.  Where are the people and groups who normally stand up against this behavior?  Why are these types of comments not reprimanded immediately, and why do comments like this continue, over and over again? 

I am very disappointed, disillusioned, and wonder why more people- the media, politicians, political leaders, activists, and the other candidates for president, do not protest and speak out against these blatant sexist and gender attacks against Sen. Clinton, and in turn women everywhere?

The fact that none of these groups or individuals has denounced this type of speech against Clinton shows that they have no interest in working to disperse these sexist attitudes and remarks. It seems like this could have been a monumental stand for the other candidates to make.  What better way to show that you will work for all people when they are unfairly criticized, and judged.  In Clinton’s case, all of this hostility for more or less-being a woman?

Why stand quietly by when a colleague is continually called a “bi**h” and worse by the media numerous times?  Why not disown and condemn this type of sexism?  After Sen. Obama’s own pastor made comments that were not appropriate, Obama strongly denounced him.  I question why Sen. Obama chooses not to do the same denouncing this type of misogyny against women? Sen. John McCain has also remained silent on this issue. 

The fact is, this type of sexism and misogyny has not only happened over and over again to Sen. Clinton in the media, but it happens countless times to women every day in America.  A well publicized example happened just last week, when Sen. Obama called a female reporter “sweetie.”  

Instead of the issue being the obvious sexism in this type of comment, Obama himself said, “It’s a bad habit of mine.”  The issue is downplayed and brushed off by the media as a term of endearment.   The women who have spoken against this, and who are offended by this “term of endearment,” are portrayed as being overly sensitive, and irrational.   What would the media have said about Clinton if she had called a male reporter ‘honey,’ or ‘sweetie?’  How many women would still have their jobs, if their “bad habit” was calling their male colleagues ‘sweetie?’ Could the double standard here, be any more apparent? 

The silence on this very real issue has spoken volumes to me on the values of our so called “leaders,” and presidential candidates.  I believe real leaders for change would not let these sexist attitudes continue to foster and even contribute to the problem by remaining silent, and using their own inappropriate terms when addressing women.   It is very easy to speak about great things, and great change, but a totally different thing to live by those words, day in and day out, when a real issue is on the line.

When as a country, we allow a presidential nominee candidate (who happens to be a woman) to be called a bi**h, whore, and worse over and over again, or allow a presidential nominee candidate (who happens to be a man) to call a woman doing her job, sweetie, and we remain silent- what does that say about us?  What does that say to our children- the next generation- our sons and daughters about the value of women in our society?

As much as things have changed, and progress has been made in eliminating sexism, this campaign race has made it very clear how so many things have not changed, especially sexist attitudes towards women in this country. 

Are we still at that point, where a woman running for the nomination for President of the United States, should expect to be called obscenities, cruelly be made fun of, and be judged by her gender- not her accomplishments?  Sadly, I think we are.  Can we call this progress?  I don’t think so.  

~Sexism is a social disease- Author Unknown

Thanks to my friend, Mary P. for sending this- this really would be one reality TV show I’d watch every week, and I don’t think there would be a winner, unless there was a woman on the show!  Happy Laughing!

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and

3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time–no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear  < STRONG> uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each  night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right To be called Mother!

 After having a week of rain, sun, then more rain, and clouds, I think spring is officially here.  This morning started off cool and cloudy, but it is now sunny in the 60’s, and the boys are having a blast playing outside.

By Sunday, we are supposed to reach the upper 80’s!  This weekend is plant buying time!  I have purposely held off on buying bedding plants, because the weather was being so weird.  There was a frost warning one night this past week, so I am glad I held off.

The one aspect that I am sad about is I won’t be planting a vegetable garden this year.  We have plans to move this summer.  I just can’t see doing all that work, in spring and summer, only to leave it, and not be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor!  I know I am setting myself up here- because if we did plant vegetables, then of course, our plans would go like clockwork.  By not planting a garden, thinking we won’t be here, is surely tempting fate, that we will still be here later in the summer.  Then I will be regretfully asking myself why I didn’t plant at least a few vegetables!

At any rate, we are going to be pretty busy this summer, and I am counting on not having a lot of time one way or another to devote to my veggie garden.  I did buy one cherry tomato plant that I will plant in a pot, and keep in the spot I normally would plant my four or five tomato plants.  Fortunately, my father-in-law plants a wonderful garden every year, so we will still have access to some of those wonderful homegrown veggies.  We also have a great vegetable stand from a farm in town, and the Farmer’s Market.

Ryan is already in love with the tomato plant. The other night when I was bringing the plant in, he started talking to it.  He calls it Mr. Tomato Plant.  He tells the plant he is going to grow us yummy, sweet tomatoes, and then he gives it a hug.  Thank goodness Grandpa has some seeds for Ryan, and Ryan gets to help Grandpa in his garden. 

Ryan is such a sweet, and thoughtful child.  I think he will really enjoy gardening.  Maybe next year I will be able to plant a garden, with both my boys.  Starting the garden is always a symbolic gesture for me that the cold, short days of winter are finally gone, and finally the warmer, longer days of spring are here.

I am an official blog contributor, with my first post being posted on Attachment Parenting International’s new blog, API Speaks. 

This new blog’s mission is to “capture the real stories of life as an AP family and to highlight the fact that, despite all the varied family structures, cultures, religions, and dynamics that exist in the world, there is one thing that unites us: Our love and compassion for our children.” (from API Speaks)

I will be a regular contributor with my posts appearing around the seventh of each month- give or take a few days.  The first post that appeared was a post that appeared on my blog, from last March- “Following My Instincts.” 

API Speaks, which was launched last month, is a helpful blog to read, and gain insight into different parents experiences with their children, ranging from birth, to feeding, to sleeping.  Even though every parent has different paths they take with their children in these areas, the common bond is, a respectful and gentle approach.

 It is so hard at times being a parent, and trying to do the best you can for your children.  For me it is like a breath of fresh air to read other parents have similar experiences, trials, and triumphs as I.

I hope you will not only read my posts at API Speaks, but read other experiences and stories posted there.  Check out this new blog- I am sure you will find something that speaks to you as a parent. 

I had a wonderful Mother’s Day.  This was my fifth one already!  (How did that happen?)

We got up early so we could make it to my favorite breakfast cafe, before the crowd got there.  It is a Creole cafe which serves to die-for beignets (which is like a cross between a sopapilla and a donut), and homemade biscuits among other goodies.  I got eggs, Creole style- which were scrambled with peppers, onions, cheese,  potatoes, and topped with tomatoes and an avocado. This was served with the biggest buttermilk biscuit you have ever seen, topped with homemade strawberry rhubarb jam.  It was delicious, and of course the boys loved the beignets and biscuits.

After breakfast we went to Joe’s parents house, where we had a present for Joe’s mom.  I had compilled all the best pictures during the last year, and made a photo book for her on Shutterfly.  I have to say, as a former scrapbooker, Shutterfly made the whole process incredibly easy, and fun.  The hardest part for me was picking out the photos to use, and cropping them before I downloaded them to Shutterfly.  I loved the way the book turned out, and I was so happy I ordered a copy for us too.  It is a wonderful keepsake, and Joe’s mom was very happy with it. 

After visiting for a while, we went home, where we all took a nap, except for Ryan.  Bless Joe’s heart- he “napped” in the living room on the couch, so he could watch Ryan.  After I got Cole to sleep, I took a luxurious hour and a half nap in my bed.  It was great.  I woke up to Ryan telling me I had a Mother’s Day card.  This was the envelope:

When I asked Ryan if that was him on the envelope, he said, “No, that is just a hairy guy.”  Okay- I guess my son thinks I like hairy guys. 

Cole was still sleeping, and Joe decided to assemble Cole’s birthday present.  Even though it is in about two weeks, we bought last week, and figured the boys should get as much use out of it as possible.  The directions said it assembled in less than an hour.  Uh, right.  We spent triple the time assembling it.  Cole had woken up in the meantime, and I fixed the boys lunch, which they ate outside, while they ‘helped’ Dad.  (I’m going to write more about the present with pictures closer to Cole’s birthday). 

I got a little yard work in, and cleaned the front porch.  When the toy was done, the boys played for awhile, and I told Joe I wanted some pizza from my favorite pizza restaurant-so off we went to a neighboring town, and we had a nice 20 minute drive or so.  I was a little worried the restaurant would be crowded, and we would have to wait, but we got right in, and it wasn’t super busy, until we left. 

When we got home, I went on a long walk by myself.  The weather was wonderful- warm but not too warm, and not cold enough to need a jacket. 

After I was finished with my walk, the boys were ready for their bath, and bed.  Ryan was so tired, but he told me Happy Mother’s Day again, and asked me if I had fun, “celebrating me.”

As I laid Cole down in his crib, he pulled my face in for another kiss, and then just held my cheek to his, smiling.  He gave me a kiss, and rolled over on his side saying, “night night.”  It was the best moment of the day.

I loved today, and even though I know I will have some things to catch up on, I wouldn’t have changed any of it.  I loved having a fun, relaxed, and easy day with my family.  :-)  Here are two pictures, after we arrived home from breakfast:

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother’s Day, how ever you chose to spend the day!

This video has over 24 million views, but I had never seen it before, and it is so funny and adorable!  The two boys in it, reminded me so much of my two boys for some reason.  :-)   Check out Charlie’s smile at :33.  How cute are these little guys!  Happy Laughing!

About a month ago, I blogged about the Global Giving project BlogHer was running through Mother’s Day to help save impoverished women and children’s lives. I announced that I would donate 50% of my sales from my on-line store, Little Pumpkin, Sweet Pea Designs from that post to today, Mother’s Day to the project.

While the sales weren’t as high as I would have liked- :-), I was able to donate double what I initally thought I could.  Thank you, thank you to everyone who supported this idea, proposed by Amy from Crunchy Domestic Goddess, and a BlogHer Contributing Editor. 

I was torn on which project to donate to, so I ended up donating to two:  I donated to Help Afgan Women Deliver Healthy Babies Safely, and to the Mother & Child Health Clinic in Rural Nepal.

As I wrote before, I feel so blessed to have been born in a country where I don’t have to worry about having access to basic health care.  As I celebrated Mother’s Day today, it really struck me how many less fortunate women and children never even get a chance to have a basic start in life, and have safe, and accessible health care. 

You can still make a donation to these projects, by clicking the links above.  The projects still need your help. The Nepal Mother & Child Clinic is only 7.8% funded, and the Afgan Women Baby Project is only 2.3% funded.  Any amount- as big or as little as you can give will help.

I read a great blog post today From Daily Mish Mash on the commercialism on Mother’s Day, and how it can make us feel when our expectations aren’t fulfilled. 

I admit that I too, had unrealistic expectations of Mother’s Day, when I first became a mother.  I assumed it would be like a commercial, with my husband thinking and planning that “perfect” day for me. 

Fast foward four years, and I have learned.  Mother’s Day is not about just one day of having a perfect day.  For me, Mother’s Day happens year-round, when my four-year old gives me an unexpected hug, or tells me something super sweet, like, “Mommy, you are my best girl.”  Or when the boys play together and actually have fun, and don’t bicker.  Or when they both do something I ask, just because I asked them, or when Cole looks into my eyes to give me a hug, and I see pure love in his big, blue eyes. 

Oh, surprises are nice too- who wouldn’t love a diamond necklace, like Daily Mish Mash mentions?  But I agree with her that expecting these amazing, thought out, well planned gifts, is just setting ourselves up for disappointment.  I have also become way more proactive, and instead of hoping and then getting mad that I don’t get the Mother’s Day I am hoping for, I have started to let Joe know what I would like to do. He makes it happen, and he is happy, because he is doing what I really want to do, and I am happy-obviously.  This seems to work out well for us. 

My husband is not the world’s best surprise planner.  I have learned that about him.  But he will drop whatever he is doing at a moment’s notice to help me with the children.  He will go to the grocery store for me at 11pm at night, if I have a dessert craving, and he will do anything for his family.  I may not get a diamond necklace on Mother’s Day, but I will take the little- and never ending gifts I receive every day, from my family over a diamond necklace any day.

Besides, where would I wear a diamond necklace to anyway?  I suppose the cashiers at the grocery stores would be very impressed, if they manged to notice it over my mom-stained shirt. 

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone.  I leave you with some quotes I like for Mother’s Day.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs… since the payment is pure love.  ~Mildred B. Vermont

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

It kills you to see them grow up.  But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn’t.  ~Barbara Kingsolver, Animal Dreams

And my favorite, since I am part Irish, and have two boys: 

I have about a half-hour commute to work, twice a week.  I get to listen to what I want to on the radio (no Music Together, Barney, or kiddie music CD’s.)  So I like to listen to the popular talk shows, to stay up on what is happening in the world.

During the past month, I have heard every talk show talking about stay-at-home moms who have or get an “allowance.” This is money their husbands give them to spend each week, and once it is gone, it is gone- no more buying anything.  At first I thought this only applied to a few people, but I was amazed by the calls the radio shows were receiving, and these were all on different stations.

The allowance “rules” based on the women, who called in, seem range from the wife receiving a large allowance to buy groceries, gas, and other household necessities to only $20 a week to buy “emergency” items like diapers, or to splurge on herself. 

One woman said her husband gives her $50 a week for her allowance and with this she has to buy gas, diapers, and formula.  If there is any money left over, she said she can spend it on herself, like on a haircut, or clothes.  She said with gas prices being so high though, she barely has enough of her allowance left after buying gas. 

Another woman said her husband gives her $20 a week that she can spend on whatever she wants for herself, but if she needs money for diapers, or a doctor’s appointment, she has to submit the amount to him ahead of time, and he writes a check for that exact amount.  Some women had to even get trips to the grocery store, dry cleaners, etc. “approved” ahead of time from their husbands, so their husbands would know how much gas they were using. 

The calls went on and on, and evidently there are a lot of households in my area who are doing this.  Some of the women loved it- they said it helped them stay on a budget, but some women said they hated it, but felt like they had little choice, since their husband was the one who was earning the money. 

I’m all for budgeting the household money, and maybe if a wife requests the finances be run this way, I don’t have a problem with it.  Whatever works, if both parties are happy.  I do have a problem with the whole allowance issue if the wife is not happy, or feels like she has no choice in how finances are spent, even if her husband is the sole wage earner.

Stay-at-home moms contribute so much to the family- I am sure I don’t have to list it all out.  To be made to feel like you are a teen-ager asking your father for an allowance, just seems degrading to me.  I am of the thought (and my husband is too), that we both contribute to the household, and we don’t need “permission” to spend money.  Of course we run bigger purchase items by each other, but my husband doesn’t want or demand an accounting of every dollar I spend, and I don’t expect that of him either.

I am really curious now, what do you think about this?  I would love to hear if you have an allowance, if so, is it your choice, and what are the benefits or drawbacks to this.